One, two, please don't sue!
The power, IT FLOWS UNTO MY HANDS!!!
I have a mustache, but you do not have a mustache.
I do not have a mustache.
Dude you are bong camping. Pass the bong man.
A friend that has weed is a friend indeed.
Life...is a kumquat.
Blue. It's very... blue.
FOR THE HORDE!!!!
The owl is watching.
You need to man up.
Testicles.
When you j-walk, God strangles twelve midgets.
Hey sexy?!
Nice piano.
Sea salt does wonders for troublesome cats.
Snail.
McLovin.
I had a wife once. I don't know where she went.
I hear you're quite the tuba player.
He resisted arrest.
Hey did you get my last text?!
I just saw a zebra.
Does this piss you off?!
It is time! ~Jesus
You have a new text message.
Is this Benjamin?
Big balls.
HI FAGGOTRON!
BILLY MAYS HERE!!
Trade cats for weed?
Someone is doing something sometimes somewhere.
Spiderpig, spiderpig, does whatever a spiderpig does.
Find the chickens.
Sup?!
You're a great trumpet player.
Yo homes, to bel air!
Go out with me?
Beep bop bip.
Stop texting me!
I must say, your body is quite wide my good sir.
SQUATS AND OATS!
OXYCLEAN!
I hate the green flashing light.
Go away.
DO NOT DISTURB!
I know kung fu.
Your hands are really hairy.
Shit happens.
Abortion is for quitters.
Dude, help me get this possum out of my living room.
Dude, the possum is hissing at me. Help.
Fucking magnets. How do they work?
I just wished for a bagel. It didn't come true.
If a tree falls in a forest and hits a woman, what is a forest doing in a kitchen?
I bet the Jews did this.
Hey I keep pressing send but I don't believe it's sending!!
Molested the duck until it exploded.
MJ gone, that nigga dead.
Dude this nun is on fire!! What do I do?!
Sup I just drifted a '85 crown victoria.
DUDE!! I'm riding a pony!!
BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
I GOT THIS, MAN.
Omg, tits.
This is why we can't have nice things.
This blind couple keeps walking into a wall. I wonder if they know it's a wall.
EVERYONE CHILL THE FUCK OUT. I got this.
I hate it when you're the real Slim Shady and everyone else stands up.
OMG, you play the triangle?! Excuse me while I take my clothes off...
I fucking love crayons. Don't fuck with me.
Yo mama so fat, when she jumped for joy she got stuck.
One more time.
Personally, I voted for Clyde.
Check'em.
I demand justice.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl.
He got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull..
She did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
And the horses in Central Park have blankets.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy.